Family Histories: All That Makes Us Who We Are

As a psychologist, I realize that the whole topic of family histories, and how they shape who we are as people, is fraught with complexity. But I have a particular family history that is mine and I would like to share it with you. So here goes.

The photo shown here (larger version below) is a portrait of my grandmother Pauline at age 16. At that point in her life, she eloped with a man named Louis (my grandfather, as it turns out — although I never met him). He abandoned my dad and grandmother when my dad was a teenager, but that’s a whole other story. But the interesting part of this tale is that Louis’ mother was a Cherokee Indian (a princess as the story goes — probably just a squaw!) So that makes me about 1/8 Indian, right?

Anyway, besides that, my grandma led an interesting life. She spoke German only until she was about 12, and her grandfather was some kind of German official. She also inherited a castle along the Rhine, and we had a letter written in German and translated for us, awarding her that estate.

I was close to my grandmother and grew up with the understanding that I took after her, and that became an important part of my identity. Let me close this little Cloak piece with a quote from Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie’s book, The Lives We Actually Have: 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days (Convergent books, 2023) — from their essay, For What Makes Us Us:

Blessed are you who have found your people. ... Blessed are the details of your life. The specificies that make you, you ... you, my dear, in all your intricacies ... are a marvel. (p. 11)

And so — whatever your own family histories might be — you are all marvels indeed!